Anxiety & Perfectionism

You sometimes wonder if your child is too smart for their own good. They are worrying about things that a kid their age shouldn’t need to think about. Maybe they’re worried about the household budget. Maybe they’re stressing a ton over their future career. They want things to be planned and under control. Unexpected changes can really throw them for a loop. If things aren’t exactly the way they planned it, they have a hard time rolling with the punches. They’re nervous about messing anything up, and if they do make a mistake they don’t forgive themselves easily. You’re concerned they’re being too hard on themselves and taking everything too seriously. You respect how conscientious they are, but you’re worried they aren’t enjoying their childhood or teenage years. Maybe they’re worried about the environment or current events, but you want to help them find a way to channel the anxiety into advocacy.

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They’re nervous about messing anything up, and if they do make a mistake they don’t forgive themselves easily

How therapy helps kids and teens with anxiety

I work with kids to help them learn to manage their anxiety. I honor their priorities and goals while helping them quiet the storm in their heads. It can be easier to get what you want out of life when you have some tools to calm the worry. We look at why certain things stress them out so much and talk out whatever is going on for them right now. Sometimes we talk about anxiety related to their future. Often, we talk about fear of letting people down. Sometimes we talk about feeling powerless. And we talk about a lot of other things that impact how they experience the world. Then we figure out what strategies can help keep the worry to a lower level. This can be learning how to enforce boundaries, breathing exercises, self care rituals, time management strategies, or many other things. Your child can achieve what’s important to them without the huge weight of their worries.

Symptoms of anxiety

There are many ways people experience anxiety and perfectionism. Some symptoms of anxiety can include:

  • General sense of nervousness

  • Excessive worrying about upcoming events/situations

  • Exaggerated worrying about potential danger

  • Avoidance of social situations

  • Fear of unfamiliar people

  • Unwillingness to try something new

  • Difficulty leaving one or more parent

  • Fixating on mistakes they’ve made

  • Unreasonably high expectations of themselves

  • Fears about animals

  • Fears about medical procedures (like injections)

  • Fears about specific objects or situations

  • Stomach aches

  • Headaches

  • Fatigue/feeling tired more often

  • Difficulty concentrating

  • Sleep disturbances (hard time falling asleep, hard time staying asleep, nightmares)

  • Feeling compelled to complete certain seemingly unrelated actions/behaviors to feel okay

  • Sudden feelings of extreme anxiety/panic, possibly with physical symptoms such as increased heart rate

  • Recurring unwanted thoughts about upsetting things that have happened or might happen

If your teen or middle schooler is experiencing these symptoms, they may be dealing with anxiety. This list is not to diagnose, but to give examples of how anxiety and perfectionism often shows up for kids and teens.

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If your child could benefit from some help with managing anxiety, have them check out the For Kids/Teens page, or contact me.